Wookiee Bath Time
by disapproval-face
Summary: Silly Oneshot I made. It's been a week since the Ebon Hawk Crews' victory, and now they need to get ready for the celebration. Female Revan and Mission decide its time for Zaalbar to get a bath... Crackfic. Randomness. KotOR1.


**Lol. Just randomly came up with this idea for a mod. Takes place just after Lightside, Female Revan ending.**

It had been a week since the destruction of the Star Forge and there was going to be a celebration on Coruscant. All the big senators and such were going to be there along with the entire crew of the Ebon Hawk.

The crew was still staying on the ship, which was now docked on the metropolis planet, waiting for the party.

It was the day of the party and everyone was making plans. Revan, however, had special plans...

"Mission, we need to talk." Revan declared.

"About what?"

"Zaalbar. We've been through the Undercity and sewers of Taris, we've been in the Crystal cave on Dantooine, through the deserts of Tatooine, through an abandoned, underwater kolto base and shoved into dirty prison cells by the Sith, not to mention that we've spent close to a month in a starship. And through all of these messy, dirty situations, Zaalbar did not once take a bath."

"I see what you're getting at," Mission backed away half a step, "And I just want to say right now that that it is NOT a good idea. He'll kill you!"

"Mission, this needs to be done."

Mission sighed. "Fine, I guess we might as well try."

* * *

Zaalbar was building a grenade, one of his favorite pastimes. Mission ran up to her hairy friend, trying to look as innocent and good intentioned as possible.

"Big Z, I found something on the ship and I _really _want to show it to you!"

"What is it?" He asked in his native tongue.

"It's a surprise!" Mission practically yelled, trying to remain calm and convincing.

He sighed. How could she not have seen something on this tiny ship? Everything was so tight and so cramped that it was nearly impossible to not know every bolt, screw and light. He decided to follow her, guessing that it must be in connection with the smuggling Davik Kang had used the ship for.

They went down a small narrow passage and down a small hatch to a second part of the ship. Zaalbar stopped in his tracks realizing what was going on. They were in the bathroom. The tub was full. He attempted to turn around and leave, but Revan threw herself on him, wrestling him to the ground.

"No, Revan! Life debt or no, I'm not going in that wretched thing!"

"Just think of it was swimming!" Revan said enthusiastically.

"Wookiees don't swim and they don't take baths!"

"Like I said before, you're starting a trend!" Revan used the force to lift Zaalbar up into the air and then dropped him into the tub.

He spat water from his mouth. "No! This isn't happening!"

Revan and Mission quickly plunged him under the water.

"Uck! I will not stand for this!" Zaalbar threatened.

* * *

"Help!" came Revan's cry.

Canderous and Carth stopped comparing blasters and headed towards the sound of the desperate pleas.

Canderous, Jolee, Carth and Juhanni all piled into the bathroom and stood in the entrance, stupefied, all except for Jolee, that is.

"Don't just stand there, help them!" He said.

"What is it we're supposed to help with, exactly?"

"Keep Zaalbar in the tub, genius!" Jolee snapped.

Canderous raised an eyebrow. "By Zaalbar, do you mean the white frothy mass that's attempted to claw it's way out of the tub?"

"That's exactly what I mean! Now help!"

* * *

Bastilla came aboard the ship with T3. She could faintly hear the sound of screaming and roars.

"Strange. I can sense desperation and struggle, but no apparent danger. Rarely do you see the first with out the latter..." She mused, halfway to her droid companion, halfway to herself. She follow the sound of the screams and yells until she reached the bathroom.

She went inside and was quite shocked to see everyone attempting to hold Zaalbar inside of the bathtub. Suds and bubbles cover the floors and water was constantly splashing out over the sides.

"Uh, how can you people be so incompetent." She went upstairs and returned shortly after with a Vulkar Shock Stick. She activated it and set it to stun. She calmly went over to the chaos, amongst the flying bubble and flailing limbs, and with bravery that would amaze Mandalore, she pushed everyone away and zapped the wookiee with the Black Vulkar weapon.

"Done." She stated calmly. "Clearly, you all need to try using logic more often."

"What, did I miss the 'How to Bath a Wookiee' lesson on my Jedi Datapad?" Revan smirked.

"Apparently so. It was under the "Wookiee Life Debt" section."

* * *

Zaalbar slowly awoke, not fully aware of where he was. He soon realized that he was in an airspeeder, zooming through the Coruscant skies, heading towards the Senate Headquarters. He noticed first that he smelled over Dantooine Water Lillis. Second, he noticed that he felt very stiff, as though he were restrained. Not like he was tied to something, but simply restrained... And than it hit him.

He was wearing clothes.

"When will this nightmare end?" He roared.

Carth who was sitting in the front seat with Revan, leaned over to the Jedi Knight.

"Should we tell him that his father is going to be there?"

Revan shook her head. "Na. I'd much rather just wait. Besides, I've got T3-M4 programmed to record the little event."

"Mission..." Zaalbar murmured. "My mouth tastes minty. Are my teeth... Brushed too?"


End file.
